A Poem For My Grandma

My grandma died a year ago today, and in the days after her death I wrote this poem, kind of by accident. I woke up one morning with the first few lines in my head, then spent the next 2 days bent over my notebook writing the rest. I ended up reading it out at her funeral.

A few points of information; Zap was her dog who we looked after after her death, but who also sadly passed away this year. And my grandma was an actress and a lover of classical music. She’s been greatly missed as she was a huge part of my family’s lives as she lived just up the road. May she rest in peace.

 

It’s funny, you know, when you think of death;

The last thing you think of is your own blood and flesh;

It happens to your friends, and to the people that you know;

You never think that you’ll know the person that will go.

 

Yes, okay, you have nightmares that haunt you when you wake;

But you pull yourself together and you give yourself a shake;

But this time it is not a dream, it’s very real and true;

I’m pulling, shaking, pinching, waking, it’s not working – it’s no use.

 

She’s gone, she’s really gone I realise, but somehow it’s not right;

We’ve all been robbed, her life was stolen on that awful night;

She wasn’t even ill or sad, there was so much left in her;

We all thought we had years to go, to enjoy her love and laughter.

 

So all that’s left, all that we’ve got, our collective memories;

I’d like to share mine with you now, a moment, if you please.

 

I’ll think of her when Zap looks at me with her big, brown, silky eyes;

Her questioning and searching gaze, waiting, wondering why;

I’ll think of her when I perform to soothe my dreadful stage fright;

She taught me strength and courage through her guidance and advice.

 

She loved to sit and listen to me singing with piano;

My biggest fan, so proud of me, so pleased I loved it so;

I’ll think of her when I hear ClassicFM on the radio;

She’ll live on in every note and song, in every show.

 

She’d want me to play and sing here, but I’m sorry grandma, I can’t;

Too personal with all these people, to reveal my broken heart;

But I promise to always think of her when I play or sing, or both;

In mind and spirit she’ll be there, listening and singing also.

 

Everyone here will hold a dear place for her in their heart;

Everyone will express their grief in their own way and play their part;

But for me, grandma is a song: bold, triumphant and joyful;

With rich, loving chords, a dominant melody, so beautiful and remarkable.

 

She was a source of love and light, of wisdom and support;

A source of laughter, logic, care and of course much more;

I’m so grateful for what she’s given me already, my dear grandma;

She’s shaped me as a person so lives on in me forever.

 

I won’t say goodbye to her, but goodbye for now;

I’ll see her again someday, after life, in death, somehow;

She’ll be watching over us, of that I’m completely sure;

Now I have a guardian angel to protect me evermore.

 

Thank you all for coming and for honouring her life;

A sister, daughter, mother, grandma, friend, girlfriend and wife;

We love her all so very much, that love will never die;

In heaven now, at peace and rest, she’s watching from the sky.